Phone Number Leads to Failure?

There seems to be a rash of partial successes these days. I have had several guys call complaining about getting phone numbers and NO RESULTS. Well, they got a result; just not the one they wanted or expected. They have varied. One gentleman ran a few patterns; she seemed to respond from his point of view and asked for his phone number. He was ecstatic and thought he was on his way. She never called.



Another young man has had a lot of success IN HIS VIEW because he never got anywhere before and now he is getting lots of phone numbers. However, when he calls, they are ALL turning out to be flakes again in his view. They will not talk to him and are always to busy to talk.



Let’s talk about social programming first. In the south, most of the young ladies are brought up to be non-confrontational; that is to be very polite. They are told that even if they do not like the male who is approaching to be polite and get rid of him quickly by GIVIING HIM A PHONE NUMBER. They have no intention of talking with you. They believe that after one or two calls you will stop calling and they have gotten rid of you without hurting your feelings or being confrontational (saying they do not like you) or (you are not their type) or (etc).



Now listen up, no matter what course you are studying or what guru you like to think is right for you, there is something missing. It called calibration and/or test closing. You think she is responding strongly and then she flakes. IT IS VERY SIMPLE, FRIENDS. SHE DOES NOT RESPOND THE WAY YOU WANT OR EXPECT BECAUSE “IT IS NOT IMPORTANT ENOUGH TO HER (not important enough to her). You think it is and she does not. Now whose fault is that.



There are lots of ways to calibrate or test. Start by asking questions like: Are you enjoying this conversation as much as you seem to me.



In the end you must get confirmation. One traditional suggestion is to follow up the agreement to talk or meet again with this question: “How do I know that you will call” or “How do I know that you will be available to talk and we will continue” These short retorts may sound good on the surface. BUT stop and think about it. You may be coming off as uncertain and asking for reassurance. You may be coming off as whiney and needy (depending on your voice and energy).
Here is my suggestion. You ask the female. “I’m curious, How do YOU know that YOU will call”, “I’m curious, How do YOU know that YOU will answer and be ready to continue…”



This way you are asking for HER PROCESS as to what makes things important to her. If she does not respond or can’t respond, then you know you have more to do with her to make yourself MORE IMPORTANT with her.



Of course ladies, the exact same thing is true when you are dealing with what you perceive as flaky guys.


Dr YJC